Obama's SOTU speech: The part where he tells bigots to grow the Hell up.

This a particularly nice little moment about the repulsive pig-headed childish ugliness and abuse that has infected this country this political season from Obama's State of the Union address that that I read via Wonkette highlighting of it (You can feel, the President's exasperation, as he apparently didn't know babysitter would be a requisite of his job):

That’s why we need to reject any politics that targets people because of race or religion. This isn’t a matter of political correctness. It’s a matter of understanding what makes us strong. The world respects us not just for our arsenal; it respects us for our diversity and our openness and the way we respect every faith. His Holiness, Hope Francis, told this body from the very spot I stand tonight that “to imitate the hatred and violence of tyrants and murderers is the best way to take their place.” When politicians insult Muslims, when a mosque is vandalized, or a kid bullied, that doesn’t make us safer. That’s not telling it like it is. It’s just wrong. It diminishes us in the eyes of the world. It makes it harder to achieve our goals. And it betrays who we are as a country.

Shorter Obama: "You want to make America 'great' again? Then stop being society's unwashed asshole, and stop licking at the taint of the Dirty Asshole Coalition."

Actually, I wish Obama HAD said that plainly and precisely. With such "straight talk", I think even Trump' embarrassing Klan of easily-bamboozled poo-flingers would have understood the basic principle.

And as I've said before, no, such action is not "telling it like it is" (unless "it is" is: "I'm an ignorant lout incapable of basic human decency, and as such I have nothing of value to contribute to the national discussion except a visual demonstration to the Imodium AD people why they should make a pill for verbal diarrhea too."

We interrupt this blog for an important announcement.

I know I should have mentioned this earlier, but society wanted me to focus on such trivial matters like "working" and "earning a living" and "taking care of responsibility" to the point where it's interfering in my time of doing the important work of making smart-ass mockery of aphorisms. As a result, I have decided to make the "Cynical Proverbs" segment a bi-weekly feature. If time permits, i might find something to fill in the spaces of the "missing" week. So you'll gave to wait until at least Saturday until to hear basterizations of life-affurming platitudes.

Cynical Proverbs 1:02

 

"You'll catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

For this one, i decided to turn to America's wisest high philosopher, Kelly Bundy ("Oh I know what that is! That's, like, a doctor that studies a woman's philosophy tubes." Sigh. Please stay focused, Kelly):

"Yes but if you pull their wings off they'll eat whatever you give them."

(And who the Hell wants to attract flies, anyway?)

Cynical Sincere Proverbs 12:27

I decided to devote the last Cynical Sincere Proverb of the year to the scourge of American public discourse  (or whatever passes for it on the Internet): the ridiculously over-inflated appraisal we place on our own opinions (which is worth much more that "valueless" trinkets like "facts" or reason" or "relevance") So without further ado:

"The problem with people offering their 'two cents' is that they want a dollar for the trouble (when they really should be offering a half-cent clearance sale to unload such worthless junk.)"

Cynical Proverbs 12:23

“I don’t know the facts of this case..."

This little quote comes from some Focus on the Family douchebag, Stuart Shephard, speculating on the motive of Planned Parenthood shooter Robert Dear (which is such a mystery to decipher since Dear only shouted his deranged reasons from the rooftops with a bullhorn and all.) Even though Dear only ranted about being a "warrior for babies" like a thousand times, Shephard still felt the need to make up a motivation (one pilfered from an unused draft of Reefer Madness, from the sound of it), perhaps so that he, Dear and OJ Simpson can get together to find the "real killer." Of course, you couldn't really blame Shephard since he began his false narrative with the Official Republican Mantra (tm) quoted above. Seeing how people like this Focus on the Family twit aren't going let silly little things like "reality" or "evidence" (or God forbid, research) get in the way of unneeded conspiracy theories, I offered this little media proposal on the Wonkette boards:

Seriously. Any pundit or "political operative" who uses that phrase should have their mics immediately and permanently turned out for the rest of the story cycle.

Cynical Proverbs 12:13

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

After being smothered in sauce deep-friend hatred (served with a vintage whine made from only the most sour of grapes.) Of course being Americans, we'll insist on oh-so fattening extra helpings.

Cynical Proverbs 12:06

"With have nothing to fear, but fear itself."

Says you! We also have to fear Syrian orphans, transsexuals taking a shit, guys getting gay-married in the butt, and black people doing dangerous things like wielding toys and existing.

What about guns? Afraid of those?

Well now you're just being paranoid!