Sunday, August 30, 2015

Fuck off: Special Katrina Anniversary Edition!

This will be short and...well not exactly sweet.  How do lightly-toasted rat dicks taste? However they do, there are sure a whole bunch of people who need to eat them in regards to the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina ravaging places like New Orleans.

Blind item: Which moronic douche bag ex-president recently crawled out of the Hole of Good Riddance to speak at the scene of one of his biggest clusterfucks? If you guessed "The-Decider-in-Chief" you win the door prize! It is nice of George W. Bush to briefly speak at a Louisiana charter school (Heh. This failure of an ex-president is speaking at his educational equivalent. I guess our presidents isn't learning after all.) so we get a good reminder of why he's currently as popular and wanted as toe fungus  (yet still more popular than Jeb!) Rather then do silly things like offer self reflection and repentance, he instead used the opportunity to praise the success of things like charter schools  ( for helping to "rebuild" New Orleans after Bush's slow and inadequate response to the Katrina disaster. Now that he has had his say and reminded everyone what a incompetent pustule he is, he can FUCK OFF right back to the oblivion he deserves. Don't want to linger too long there, Bush. After all eventually the townspeople might remember where they left their torches and pitchforks.

Obviously that well-regarded concern for his fellow man was an inherent trait by this Mistress of Empathy, who, let us remember, delightfully rhapsodize about "lucky" all those displaced Katrina evacuees were that they got an impromptu vacay:

"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas," Barbara Bush said in an interview on Monday with the radio program "Marketplace." "Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.""And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway," she said, "so this is working very well for them."

Well sure, a bunch of people lost loved one and their livelihoods and were frantic with worry about the status of missing friends and family or how they were going to put their lives together, but they got to sleep on a public cot in the Astrodome! For "those people" it was like "summering" if the freaking Hamptons.

FUCK OFF, you callous, oblivious old bat!

But let's not exhaust our disgust yet, because there are two big heaping scoops of "FUCK YOUS" reserved for Michael "Heckuva job, Brownie" Brown, who proved that for a former director of FEMA, he was a really good horse trader! For some reason, people seem to think that being the director of an agency that failed spectacularly at response to a disaster means you should be held accountable. Well it's a good thing Brownie found time to whine to Politico to set all those big meanies heaping scorn on him straight. Here's a particular piece of blame-deflecting right here:

“The American public needs to learn not to rely on the government to save them when a crisis hits. The larger the disaster, the less likely the government will be capable of helping any given individual. We simply do not have the manpower to help everyone. Firefighters and rescue workers would all agree the true first responders are individual citizens who take care of themselves. The federal government should be involved only in those disasters that are beyond the capacity of state and local governments to handle. Centralized disaster response at the national level would destroy the inherent close relationship between citizens and those who save their lives and protect their property in times of everyday disasters.”

I'll wait for you to stop slapping your palm to your forehead in exasperation after gagging on that idiocy.

Hey here's a disaster that "might be beyond the capacity of of state and local government to handle": A fucking hurricane that killed over eighteen-hundred people and left tens of thousands homeless and was one of the costliest in history, you rancid pile of shit! (By the way, I love the underlying message of Brown's excuses: "Federal government is full incompetence and ineffectual morons! I'm 'exhibit A.'See look how many suffered putting my self-fulfilled prophecy into effect!"

Maybe I was too subtle. So let me "celebrate" this shameful and sorrowful anniversary by giving every "compassionate and responsible" blast-from-the-past one last parting gift we all know they deserve.


Update (8-31-15): Did you want to hear these very sentiments in a more elegant and nuanced fashion? (If you're reading this blog the answer is obviously "no.")  If so, you have the treat of seeing Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow find a classy way to tear Michael Brown a new asshole over his whiny defensiveness regarding his deadly ineptitude as FEMA chief.

Update II, The New Batch (9-01-15): I've been so upset and disgusted about the callous disregard for the lives lost during Hurricane Katrina, I’ve never considered how "lucky" the victims were to be part of nature’s own urban renewal project. Fortunately we have one Kristen McQueary, columnist for the Chicago Tribune (and fine graduate of the Barbara Bush School of Empathy and Compassion) to tell us not to see 1,800 dead and millions of predominantly poor residents displaced, but dewy-eyed opportunity:

That’s why I find myself praying for a real storm. It’s why I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.  

Actually that might sounds a bit insensitive, which is why McQueary quickly edited her column.
That’s why I find myself praying for a storm. OK, a figurative storm, something that will prompt a rebirth in Chicago. I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.

Oh well that makes it better! I look forward to McQuaery’s next column were she rhapsodizes about how burning people jumping to their death during the 9/11 terror attack enabled New York revitalization project. Actually I don’t wish that because I have some fucking common sense, so FUCK OFF (“figuratively,” of course) for penning one of the most callously oblivious, tone-def, insulting pieces ever regarding victims of natural disasters. The survivors of Hurricane Katrina deserve much more than to hear some unfeeling cow wishing they’d wash away with the debris so New Orleans can become gentrified playground for the upper-class. 

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Cynical Proverbs 8:29

"I'm colorblind.
No, you're just blind!

"Hey, that's unfair."

What the hell? Oh hi Colorblind Guy

"But this is a good platitude. Let me explain."

Ugh! Ok, fine. Go ahead and clarify your position.

"All I meant was that the world would be better it were a mass of bland boring indistinguishable, depressing gray. Oh if only we can make the earth I to the slice of heaven that is the Neutral Planet"

Do you really believe that?

"I neither confirm or deny it."

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Cynical Proverbs 8:22

"Crime doesn't pay!"
Unless of course you're part of the for-profit prison industry. (Someone should really do something about that. Why, speak of the devil...)

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Because "white-on-white" crime doesn't exist?

This is going to be another brief post here (Geez! I seem to be offering more "quickies" than Al Bundy, lately. But this time someone else is going to do the heavy lifting. This piece from Daily Kos is such a brilliant deconstruction of the odious "Black-on-black crime" talking point that pundits and concern trolls spew out whenever they need to paint blacks as pathological (it makes the "see, they're all thugs" counterargument stick whenever one of those "isolated incidences" that mysteriously results in a cop or an NRA vigilante "accidentally" killing an unarmed black person because their thuggish bikinis and gangsta cigarettes made them feel all "a'scared".) Seriously, read it! I'm jealous I didn't write about it first (although I have always loathed the phrase, as if white people never committed crimes against each other.) Let me just go all statistical on your asses by quote this from the linked entry :

Whites are 6 times as likely to be murdered by another white person as by a black person; and overall, the percentage of white Americans who will be murdered by a black offender in a given year is only 2/10,000ths of 1 percent (0.0002). This means that only 1 in every 500,000 white people will be murdered by a black person in a given year. Although the numbers of black-on-white homicides are higher than the reverse (447 to 218 in 2010), the 218 black victims of white murderers is actually a higher percentage of the black population interracially killed than the 447 white victims of black murderers as a percentage of the white population.In fact, any given black person is 2.75 times as likely to be murdered by a white person as any given white person is to be murdered by an African American.

If essays like this help get rid of the noxious dog whistle coda that is "Black-on black violence", then so much the better. That will be one less term used to dehumanize and deflect ("See they do it too!"). Good riddance.

The Cowardly Lion (Hunter)

Just a quickie here folks.

I'm sure many of you have already heard about some asshole dentist, who paid a whole bunch of money to hunt down and slaughter a popular Zimbabwean lion (even though, it honestly doesn't seem much like a "hunt" to me since the lion was, almost passively, led out of his holding to a killing ground awaiting his slaughter. It's more like a shooting gallery where there was only one target. This ain't Kraven's Last Hunt II, folks.) He's not exact.y real popular right now and is in fact in hiding from an angry public (yep, big bad hunter, that one.)

I know that the discrepancy in outrage been pointed out in other forums regarding how this incident seemed to inspire a huge outcry from the public, while the semi-weekly occurrence of black folk being killed or beaten by the police is greeted with an overpowering wave of indifference. That accusation has some basis to it, as the people have demonstrated a spirit of protest about Cecil the Lion that (aside from the #Blackfolksmatter crowd) hasn't quite come forth regarding African-Americans killed. (although, in an exciting "took-you-long-enough" plot twist, a recent poll suggests that white people are realizing that maybe, just maybe there might be a problem with the way minorities are treated in society.) However I would suggest a larger perspective be taking with this issue, since the thought process is drawn from the same well.: the need to totes a supposed superiority through dominance. As I joked about when an equally repulsive millionaire murdered a rhino:

 He's only doing this because the commie pinko libs won't let the 1% hunt the poorz like they REALLY want to.
Update: Apparently it looks like Digby also sees a connection of Cecil the Lion being "practice" for bigger and better game:

Hopefully, he’s going to sit there and say, ‘When I become elected president, what we’re going to do is we’re going to make the border a vacation spot, it’s going to cost you $25 for a permit, and then you get $50 for every confirmed kill,’ ” said Jim Sherota, 53, who works for a landscaping company. “That’d be one nice thing.”

Kind of like killing Cecil the Lion only a lot closer and cheaper

And kids be ready to trade in your copies of Grand Theft Auto because these people even had the foresight to create the hottest video game sensation since Ride to Hell: Retribution crashed (and burned) into your local game shop:

The lesson. Don't dismiss psychopaths simply because of who they are targeting.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Cynical Proverbs 8:14

"If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen"

 Or at least covers your second degree burns with ketchup, you pussy! (Of course turning down the burners to a temperature lower than "inferno" is not an option. The problem is you not putting up with blistering skin and heat stroke like a troopers, you roasting whiner!)

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Cynical Proverbs 8:07

"Everything happens for a reason"
And often that reason is, "people feel like being shitty, today!" (Oh I'm sorry did you want a good reason?)

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Cynical Proverbs 8:01

"Stop and smell the roses."
 I would comment on this one but we already got deep introspective musing on this very subject by our nation's brattiest philosopher and his pseudo-existing tiger. So deconstruct away, Bill Watterson: