(Belated) Holiday Wishes for the Politically Inclined

As one of his final acts, I wish Barack Obama would tells people to breathe so that that way a particular segment of our society will compulsively stop doing so.

Happy Holidays! 😊

Da Mic Drop: Austin "Teebore" Gorton

Da Mic Drop is a regular segment, where we look at people who make such a pointed "standing-ovation-worthy" commentary in regards to a person or issue that it has to be highlighted. 

Kinda sad (and yet oddly appropriate, on this political climate) that some of the most insightful commentary on Trump's election to presidency is from a comic-book site. And yet Austin "Teebore" Gorton, proprietor of the perpetually entertaining Gentlemen of Leisure has taking a break from recapping 90s X-Men comic (one of the few things almost as horrifying as a Trump administration) has delivered an epic post on the feeling of despair that gripped many people after the election results came in It's all a good read, but the end is especially powerful:

America just told all those people, my wife, my son, the planet itself, that it doesn't value them, it doesn't like them, it doesn't care what happens to them so long as they can feel safe and pretend new jobs are going to magically appear out of nowhere and go about their lives like it's still 1950 without anything anything even slightly outside their definition of "normal" coming along to shatter that illusion. 
Yesterday, I went to my polling place and exercised my constitutional right to vote, an act which has always made me feel immensely proud to be an American. 
Tomorrow, I will try to take heart in the fact that those of who didn't give in to fear and hatred yesterday are strong, and technically more numerous than those who did. That the majority of us are fundamentally good people, and that even the good can occasionally fall, that the better angels of their nature can be, momentarily, overwhelmed by their fear or ignorance, and that they'll eventually see the error in aligning themselves with the truly evil, those who legitimately believe the hatred and bile routinely spouted by our new president. 
I will try to believe that we will pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off, and continue to fight the good fight, continue to do good, no matter how much harder it is now, no matter how many obstacles are put in our way, for as long as we have a planet to fight on. 
Because doing good is the right thing to do. But today...Today, I have never been more ashamed to be an American. (emphasis mine)

Exactly.

Actually that whole thread is a must read. As many of the comments are just as profound. Particularly fantastic is this retort from regular poster "Jason" regarding the constant contrarian-scold concern-trolling excuse-making for Trump supporters calling voting  against their best interests some kind of "political revolution":

People are tired of the guys who spout fucked-up and incoherent messages, so they voted for Trump.
That makes sense. I myself am tired of this persistent,pesky cough I've got so I voted for the bubonic plague.

(Applause)

Indeed, this will now be my go-to response to the 5,987,654 such hand-wringing articles that pop up about how we need to treat such attitudes as "sincere political reform" and not the illogical, destructive behavior it is. But we sure showed that ol' cough a thing or two, eh? (Hack, wheeze, ack!)

In a related note I gave a response that noticed an unflattering link between the characters featured in the books Teebore usually reviews and the regrettably  frequent "characters" that enabled this idiot to rise to leader of our country (Warning: Chromium Age nerd culture alert) :

In a bizarre case of ironic timing, this site has recently covered the beginning of the "Iceman's bigoted dad" subplot in Uncanny X-Men #289. And we are currently only a few issues away from Graydon Creed's appearance in #299. The funny thing is that when both of these people appeared, at the time they were being derided for being too exaggerated and over-the-top with their prejudice to be believable. Before this year, that was an assessment I would have agreed with. Now though...

There seems to be an effort on too many voters to reduce themselves to caricature, to find "identity" in conforming to the most outlandish stereotype. That's just sad, people! (especially when you end up less nuanced than 90s X-books.)

Why Hillary Clinton the country lost (part 100,000 apparently)

Don't let the numerous fumbles of the political bench-warmers doing their post-election "armchair quarterbacking" fool you. I have the true deep analysis on where Hilary Clinton went wrong and the horribly offensive stratagems her team utilized. Here is the real reason she lost:

Her campaign overestimated the decency and common sense of a huge swatch of Americans. HOW DARE SHE?!?

(Ok I know I'm suppose to try to cynically exploit the chaos in order to promote a narrative through tenuous links of specious reasoning. But this is just the  TL:DR version of what those guys...often inadvertently...end up saying anyway. Albeit with a bit more inexplicably smug gloating, like "How condescending to have faith in the sensible decision-making skills of the public. Loser!")

Da Mic Drop: Calvin (?!?)

Da Mic Drop is a regular segment, where we look at people who make such a pointed "standing-ovation-worthy" commentary in regards to a person or issue that it has to be highlighted. 

And yet another segment of the "VOTE  DAMMIT " feature as we enter the home stretch of the 2016 elections. I don't think anyone has captured the political id of the nation's consciousness like cartoonist (and inadvertent) political prophet) Bill Watterson. An example of that is his most famous creations Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes" explaining his position as the president supreme-dictator-for-life of the "Voter Apathy Party" with the appropriate amount of maturity and thoughtfulness that only a bratty self-absorbed 6 year-old can muster!

Update (11-12-2016): Obviously, we decided to spend the next four years "blaming things than fixing them" (To be fair it is a lot more "fun")

The 2+2=7 Presidential Cliff-Notes

Another part of the "VOTE, DAMMIT!" segment

There has been some (often willfully-induced) confusion on what we are choosing when we elect a president. So as we settle into the madness of election day, here's a quick reminder.

One of the problems with civic misunderstanding is that few people seem to realize that they are voting for a president, and not a king, an emperor or (god help us) a wizard. The president certainly has power (and as a "leader" he can certainly influence the direction of a country), but only so much (and if that's what you want, then there are some nice dictatorships a few countries to your right.)"

So no one in higher office is "controlling your destiny" unless you secretly want them to. Indeed since they depend on citizens for "job evaluation" WE actually control their destiny (if only Americans didn't worship authoritarianism too much to proper utilize that simple fact)

Cynical Proverbs 11:8

This is a special edition of Cynical Proverbs today, folks (so I'll make sure to cover it in a polybagged holographic die-cut chromium cover and charge an additional $3.50 for process.) Not only is this "special" because it's  a election-themed segment, but the formula here is going to be tweaked a little bit. Instead of tackling optimism cliches and self-righteous platitudes with my trademark sardonic wit, I'm going to tackle a bit of electoral cynicism  (an "anti-platitude" if you will and one that can ironically enough be just as self-righteous and cliched)

"Voting is pointless"*

The same could be said for getting out the virtual corkscrew to pop open a bottle of vintage Internet whine (this years vintage has been made from particular ripe sour grapes), and yet people seems more than willing to engage in that.


*Any other phrasing of this facile sentiment is also acceptable.

Da Mic Drop: Zianna Oliphant

Da Mic Drop is a regular segment, where we look at people who make such a pointed "standing-ovation-worthy" commentary in regards to a person or issue that it has to be highlighted. 

Baring few exceptions, I have made it a policy not to comment too much on the almost weekly occurrences and incidents ( it's like there's a quota they are trying to surpass or something) of police brutality and abuses toward black folk. This has happened with such alarming frequency that it's almost overwhelming trying to match which victim to which police shooting without it all becoming a total blur.  Not to mention that most of what I said about this problem in 2015 still applies here. There isn't anything more I could even say at this point.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) a bright, articulate, emotionally-distraught  9 year old, named Zianna Oliphant has said it for us at city council meeting in Charlotte after Unwarranted Police Shooting #9876 (The Keith Scott incident, I think. Again, these events are starting to blur into one long continuous assault on black people) because we have gotten to the point in our nation where we need a tear-stained child to tell society the blatantly obvious:

"I come here today to talk about how I feel, and I feel like we are treated differently than other people, and I don’t like how we are treated just because of our color and it doesn’t mean anything to me.

I believe that we are black people and we shouldn’t have to feel like this. We shouldn’t have to protest because y’all are treating us wrong. We do this because we need to and have rights.

I’ve been born and raised in Charlotte and I never felt this way until now. And I can’t stand how we’re treated. It’s a shame that our fathers and mothers are killed, and we can’t even see them anymore. It’s a shame that we have to go to the graveyard and bury them.

And we have tears, and we shouldn’t have tears.

We need our fathers and mothers to be by our side."

 Damn right, we "shouldn't have tears." And because this young lady is wise beyond her years (and certainly wiser that many adults, that's for sure) here is little Zianna again, explaining why she went up and gave her speech: