Cynical Proverbs 9:26

 "This will hurt me than it hurts you"

 Well we could trade places and find out. I'm sure if I'm the one offering the pain and abuse, it would ease your "suffering.

The Kim Davis interview : a game of "Hungry Hungry Hypocrite"

(9-23-15) Edited to add more interview idiocy as well as this meme-tastic photo to show that Kim Davis is just as lovely on the outside as she is on the inside. Try to control yourself in that presence of such sexy sexiness:

This is just another blogging quickie for now, but America's crowned bigotry princess, Kim Davis, is so insistent on hilariously embarrassing herself, that that I have to comment on the whinefest she gave to ABC News on Monday while failing to hit the softballs interviewer Paula Faris tosses her way. Here's a piece of the interview where Davis demonstrates that she's as adept with ideological and internal consistency as she is with Constitutional scholarship (i.e not at all):

Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, said she's been called Hitler, a hypocrite and a homophobe, she told ABC News' Paula Faris today in an interview in Morehead, Kentucky."What people say about me does not define who I am. That’s everybody’s opinion and that’s everybody’s right," Davis told ABC News. Davis said she's been "called Hitler, I’ve been called [a] hypocrite, I’ve been called a homophobe." "I’ve been called things and names that I didn’t even say when I was in the world. Those names don’t hurt me," Davis said. "What probably hurt me the worst is when someone tells me that my God does not love me or that my God is not happy with me, that I am a hypocrite of a Christian."

Accurate descriptions names like "hypocrite" don't bother Davis but the way to really hurt her is to say she's hypocritical about her "Christian principles" because she doesn't care what people are saying about her. Got all that? If you do, you obviously have a better Idiot-to English guide than I do. I guess for a dumb broad like Davis, a "hypocrite" is just an animal that lives around African rivers. And let's back up for a minute and examine this baloney a bit closely:

What people say about me does not define who I am. That’s everybody’s opinion and that’s everybody’s right,"

Which is odd, since it thought the entire point of this bullshit was that Kim Davis thinks that everyone does not have rights? That's why she thinks it's ok to violate her occupational oath as well as several court orders. If she respected "everyone's opinion and everyone's right" then she wouldn't be in this mess. (Oops there we go again, gay-agenda-ing bigoted would-be mini-tyrants with our "reasoning.") Besides, it's understandable that Davis isn't thinking clearly. Her mind is occupied with figuring out how she can screw over gay couple and their legally-protected rights yet again before she's hauled back off to jail for her umpteenth contempt if court (Hmm, I could have sworn there was a word to describe the obvious irrational hatred this woman has for the gays. Oh well, I'm sure a non-hypocrite like her can figure it out.)

Update: More interview amusement:

“People are saying you’re a hypocrite. Are you?” asks ABC’s Paula Faris. “No, I’m forgiven,” Davis says. “Washed clean.”

I wish God would do the same for her hair.  I guess He's too busy punishing gay people for engaging in their legal rights to take a little of the generic-branded watered down cleaning detergent to finish scrubbing away the shit stains on Kim's soul. But that can be hard when this "clean" woman insists on rolling around in the muck of discrimination over and over again.

Update 2, Special Championship Edition Turbo: I forgot to mention this piece of WTF ridiculousness when talking about the ABC interview. See, we were too hasty in accusing Kim Davis of being a spiteful little bigot because, as she points out "some of her best friends are black!" (Ok she actually uses the rainbow-hued equivalent of that cliche and uses "gay" instead.) These "friends" (the address is 123 Fake Street in Imaginationland for eager fans wanting the guided tour) prove that she's not a shrill, hateful harpy! Except that theyll probably be here ex-friends because she proudly mentions that she'd deny them marriage licenses too (and any potential gay children too, just in case the repulsive vile wasn't apparent enough.) Apparently is too dumb to realize the the whole point of reciting that trite and hoary argumentative defense is to prove you aren't a discriminatory idiot.

Cynical Sincere Proverbs: 9:19

Kim Davis: Government  Welfare Queen showing off that her licensed to bigot is notarized by Right-Wing Fantasy Jesus, so SUCK IT highest court in the nation!

This particular quote I created was inspired by America's favorite bureaucratic obstructionista, bravely defending her "insincerely-held religious privilege" from the evil tyranny of the Gay Mafia wanting to oppress decent Christian bigots by utilizing their legally-protected right to homo-marry each other. Seeing her haggard mug of spiteful unpleasantness paraded around as the fundamentalist queen of Professional Victimhood  (not that she's going to quit her first job, despite a small hindrance of refusing to actually do it, even under court order and Constitutional decree, like that matters to a government official who's delusional bout of power-mad pettiness was sanctioned the lawful decree of Biblical Misinterpretation), it got me to ponder:

"If  the result is we get to spend an eternity with people like this, why is it called 'Heaven'?"

         

Cynical Proverbs 9:04

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

Unlike the road to heaven, which is paved with bad intentions (oh and potholes!) I guess being traversed under the weight of all that sanctimony did a number on the poor street.

Fuck off: Special Katrina Anniversary Edition!

This will be short and...well not exactly sweet.  How do lightly-toasted rat dicks taste? However they do, there are sure a whole bunch of people who need to eat them in regards to the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina ravaging places like New Orleans.

Blind item: Which moronic douche bag ex-president recently crawled out of the Hole of Good Riddance to speak at the scene of one of his biggest clusterfucks? If you guessed "The-Decider-in-Chief" you win the door prize! It is nice of George W. Bush to briefly speak at a Louisiana charter school (Heh. This failure of an ex-president is speaking at his educational equivalent. I guess our presidents isn't learning after all.) so we get a good reminder of why he's currently as popular and wanted as toe fungus  (yet still more popular than Jeb!) Rather then do silly things like offer self reflection and repentance, he instead used the opportunity to praise the success of things like charter schools  (um...no) for helping to "rebuild" New Orleans after Bush's slow and inadequate response to the Katrina disaster. Now that he has had his say and reminded everyone what a incompetent pustule he is, he can FUCK OFF right back to the oblivion he deserves. Don't want to linger too long there, Bush. After all eventually the townspeople might remember where they left their torches and pitchforks.

Obviously that well-regarded concern for his fellow man was an inherent trait by this Mistress of Empathy, who, let us remember, delightfully rhapsodize about "lucky" all those displaced Katrina evacuees were that they got an impromptu vacay:

"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas," Barbara Bush said in an interview on Monday with the radio program "Marketplace." "Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.""And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway," she said, "so this is working very well for them."

Well sure, a bunch of people lost loved one and their livelihoods and were frantic with worry about the status of missing friends and family or how they were going to put their lives together, but they got to sleep on a public cot in the Astrodome! For "those people" it was like "summering" if the freaking Hamptons.

FUCK OFF, you callous, oblivious old bat!

But let's not exhaust our disgust yet, because there are two big heaping scoops of "FUCK YOUS" reserved for Michael "Heckuva job, Brownie" Brown, who proved that for a former director of FEMA, he was a really good horse trader! For some reason, people seem to think that being the director of an agency that failed spectacularly at response to a disaster means you should be held accountable. Well it's a good thing Brownie found time to whine to Politico to set all those big meanies heaping scorn on him straight. Here's a particular piece of blame-deflecting right here:

“The American public needs to learn not to rely on the government to save them when a crisis hits. The larger the disaster, the less likely the government will be capable of helping any given individual. We simply do not have the manpower to help everyone. Firefighters and rescue workers would all agree the true first responders are individual citizens who take care of themselves. The federal government should be involved only in those disasters that are beyond the capacity of state and local governments to handle. Centralized disaster response at the national level would destroy the inherent close relationship between citizens and those who save their lives and protect their property in times of everyday disasters.”

I'll wait for you to stop slapping your palm to your forehead in exasperation after gagging on that idiocy.

Hey here's a disaster that "might be beyond the capacity of of state and local government to handle": A fucking hurricane that killed over eighteen-hundred people and left tens of thousands homeless and was one of the costliest in history, you rancid pile of shit! (By the way, I love the underlying message of Brown's excuses: "Federal government is full incompetence and ineffectual morons! I'm 'exhibit A.'See look how many suffered putting my self-fulfilled prophecy into effect!"

Maybe I was too subtle. So let me "celebrate" this shameful and sorrowful anniversary by giving every "compassionate and responsible" blast-from-the-past one last parting gift we all know they deserve.

FUCK OFF!

Update (8-31-15): Did you want to hear these very sentiments in a more elegant and nuanced fashion? (If you're reading this blog the answer is obviously "no.")  If so, you have the treat of seeing Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow find a classy way to tear Michael Brown a new asshole over his whiny defensiveness regarding his deadly ineptitude as FEMA chief.


Update II, The New Batch (9-01-15): I've been so upset and disgusted about the callous disregard for the lives lost during Hurricane Katrina, I’ve never considered how "lucky" the victims were to be part of nature’s own urban renewal project. Fortunately we have one Kristen McQueary, columnist for the Chicago Tribune (and fine graduate of the Barbara Bush School of Empathy and Compassion) to tell us not to see 1,800 dead and millions of predominantly poor residents displaced, but dewy-eyed opportunity:

That’s why I find myself praying for a real storm. It’s why I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.  

Actually that might sounds a bit insensitive, which is why McQueary quickly edited her column.

That’s why I find myself praying for a storm. OK, a figurative storm, something that will prompt a rebirth in Chicago. I can relate, metaphorically, to the residents of New Orleans climbing onto their rooftops and begging for help and waving their arms and lurching toward rescue helicopters.

Oh well that makes it better! I look forward to McQuaery’s next column were she rhapsodizes about how burning people jumping to their death during the 9/11 terror attack enabled New York revitalization project. Actually I don’t wish that because I have some fucking common sense, so FUCK OFF (“figuratively,” of course) for penning one of the most callously oblivious, tone-def, insulting pieces ever regarding victims of natural disasters. The survivors of Hurricane Katrina deserve much more than to hear some unfeeling cow wishing they’d wash away with the debris so New Orleans can become gentrified playground for the upper-class. 

Cynical Proverbs 8:29

"I'm colorblind.

No, you're just blind!

"Hey, that's unfair."

What the hell? Oh hi Colorblind Guy

"But this is a good platitude. Let me explain."

Ugh! Ok, fine. Go ahead and clarify your position.

"All I meant was that the world would be better it were a mass of bland boring indistinguishable, depressing gray. Oh if only we can make the earth into the slice of heaven that is the Neutral Planet"

Do you really believe that?

"I neither confirm or deny it."

Cynical Proverbs 8:22

"Crime doesn't pay!"

Unless of course you're part of the for-profit prison industry. (Someone should really do something about that. Why, speak of the devil...)