Cynical Proverbs 4:09

"A house divided against itself can not stand"

I thought a "house divided" was a duplex? Also since this quote was said in a political sense, I'd say we can't build a slipshod, poorly-constructed extension to the house because it'd just collapse. It's why we all love on different houses after all.

Da Mic Drop: Ted Koppel

New segment here, where we look at people who make such a pointed "standing-ovation-worthy" commentary in regards to a person or issue that it has to be highlighted. We already got a unofficial prequel of this segment with the always delightful Craig Ferguson. But now the first "official" recipient of this "honor" is veteran journalist Ted Koppel as he schools Bill O'Reilly about how that journalmalism  stuff is suppose to work. Plus, the esteemed news-person takes the whole media class to task for prolonging the reality show ("So You Think You Can Hate") that Donald Trump is calling a "political campaign" for ratings instead of actually informing the public of actual news ("Gee we don't know how that odious Trump fellow could get such notoriety and attention. Let's devote 500 redundant articles and 23 of the 24 hour news cycle to figuring out this phenomenon! I mean sure there's that whole 'rest of the world' going on around us, but hey, Trump's empty podium wasn't going to film itself you know!")

There's even video! I mean it's probably not as thrilling as a Hulk Hogan sex tape (yes that's a thing) but the climax her is sure to be more satisfying.

And for those who want the thousand words instead of the picture:

“I’ve interviewed him a number of times,” O’Reilly said of the Republican front-runner. “Not an easy interview. How would you do it?”

“You and I have talked about this general subject many times over the years. It’s irrelevant how I would do it,” Koppel replied. “You know who made it irrelevant? You did. You have changed the television landscape over the past 20 years — you took it from being objective and dull to subjective and entertaining. And in this current climate, it doesn’t matter what the interviewer asks him; Mr. Trump is gonna say whatever he wants to say, as outrageous as it may be.”

Cynical Proverbs 3:26

"Two wrongs don't make a right"

Exactly. If a certain party is any indication it takes several wrongs to make a right (complete with a series of sub-wrong spin-offs under that umbrella.)

Cynical Proverbs 3:12

"Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome."

You know in the mental asylum they refer to it as "practice". Or "trial and error." That's why in a sport like basketball if a player misses one free throw in a game he'll miss every shot he makes, right?

"Unintelligible Yelling"

Now, I know this may sound odd for an Internet denizen, but I'm not a huge fan of "memes." I tend to find them as lazy and uninspired and subject to overuse as a good arrow in the knee. (Besides, I prefer more morally uplifting sayings...like proverbs!) But if you missed one if the 4,000 Republican howler monkey exhibits "debates" (seriously, are they a daily occurrence now? Vote these fuckers off the island and be done with it!), then you're in luck, because this screenshot right here from Salon (via CNN's closed captioning) captures the the sheer essence of these information-impaired forums so well, that you never need to watch another one of these things ever again. A meme-worthy image for sure (no matter what that lying baked good tries to tell you.)

Cynical Proverbs 2-27

"You are what you eat"

And given the state of the country and public sphere nowadays, most people must eat shit by the gallon. (In America we specialize in deep-frying it in a tub of hatred.  And bacon grease.)

Cynical Proverbs 2:13

"Both sides do it."

 Ah, the cornerstone of the Golden Mean Fallacy that our body politic pretends is "unbiased analysis." This type of false equivalency in the name of "balance" is such lazy wrong-headed thinking that I've even named my blog for the type of idiotic rhetoric flourishes this phrase represents. So, note to dimwitted pundits and politically inert slackers: from now on this toxic meme should only be reserved for bisexual porn!