Cynical Sincere Proverbs 12:27

I decided to devote the last Cynical Sincere Proverb of the year to the scourge of American public discourse  (or whatever passes for it on the Internet): the ridiculously over-inflated appraisal we place on our own opinions (which is worth much more that "valueless" trinkets like "facts" or reason" or "relevance") So without further ado:

"The problem with people offering their 'two cents' is that they want a dollar for the trouble (when they really should be offering a half-cent clearance sale to unload such worthless junk.)"

Cynical Proverbs 12:23

“I don’t know the facts of this case..."

This little quote comes from some Focus on the Family douchebag, Stuart Shephard, speculating on the motive of Planned Parenthood shooter Robert Dear (which is such a mystery to decipher since Dear only shouted his deranged reasons from the rooftops with a bullhorn and all.) Even though Dear only ranted about being a "warrior for babies" like a thousand times, Shephard still felt the need to make up a motivation (one pilfered from an unused draft of Reefer Madness, from the sound of it), perhaps so that he, Dear and OJ Simpson can get together to find the "real killer." Of course, you couldn't really blame Shephard since he began his false narrative with the Official Republican Mantra (tm) quoted above. Seeing how people like this Focus on the Family twit aren't going let silly little things like "reality" or "evidence" (or God forbid, research) get in the way of unneeded conspiracy theories, I offered this little media proposal on the Wonkette boards:

Seriously. Any pundit or "political operative" who uses that phrase should have their mics immediately and permanently turned out for the rest of the story cycle.

Cynical Proverbs 12:13

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

After being smothered in sauce deep-friend hatred (served with a vintage whine made from only the most sour of grapes.) Of course being Americans, we'll insist on oh-so fattening extra helpings.

Cynical Proverbs 12:06

"With have nothing to fear, but fear itself."

Says you! We also have to fear Syrian orphans, transsexuals taking a shit, guys getting gay-married in the butt, and black people doing dangerous things like wielding toys and existing.

What about guns? Afraid of those?

Well now you're just being paranoid!

But aborting our common sense is ok, right?

This quick little clarification of my stance on abortion came after hearing, yet again, politicians who should know better, refer to a (ultimately debunked and discredited) video that reportedly shows Planned Parenthood talking about how they sell discarded baby parts on the black market and the Abortionplex garage sale (Because who needs commodity chips when fetal tissue is where the real money is?) This is of course utter ridiculousness (that, as you guys may know, recently, led to tragic results of domestic terrorism) manfucatured to prevent a service to women that is perfectly legal.

Anyway,  here's what I simply stated on a forum when the subject came up:

"I support a woman's right to keep her baby. I also support a woman's right to an abortion. Of course my 'support' doesn't really mean much, since it's none of fuckin business in any case."

Cynical Proverbs 11:29

(Yes, yes i know, I'm running behind schedule on these things. If i were any more "late", I'd be Bristol Palin.)

Anyway this installment is particularly relevant in light of recent developments.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

And since these "apples" tend to be all mushy and spotted and riddled with worms, maybe it time to grow even MORE of these apple trees and then burn down the vines of strawberries for good measure.

Wait, what? (Sorry folks. That's the last time i let Fox News edit my posts.)

Cynical Proverbs 11:23

"Ignorance is bliss"

In that case the United States must be the the goddamn happiest place on earth. We are like the muthafuckin Disneyland of countries in that respect.